Lagom till bokmässan sammanställde Svenska Dagbladet en lista över det svenska språkets finaste ord. Jag minns inte exakt vad läsarna röstade fram, men det var väl ”vildros”, ”daggvåt”, ”morgonstånd” eller nåt sånt.
Själv tycker jag att det vackraste ordet är ”ömhetsbevis”. Jag kommer tänka på det häromsistens när jag råkade kalla Filip för lat. Eller alltså, han är ju lat, det erkände han till och med själv. Tror inte han tog illa upp att jag sa så, men det var ändå rätt taskigt av mig.
Det konstiga är att jag själv kände en stark ömhet när jag sa det. För jag tycker ju om Filip väldigt mycket, jag älskar honom faktiskt. Och jag gör det för att han är rätt lat, ibland dryg, grinig och elitistisk. Det här är objektivt sett (alltså enligt Jesus) inga fina egenskaper, men av någon anledning är det just detta som gör att jag tycker om honom.
Jag har en annan vän som heter Lin. Hon bor i London och när jag säger att hon är hipp, då menar jag vääääldigt hipp. London-Lin pluggar media och har en jättesnygg flickvän. De har åtta olika kaffemaskiner hemma, de pryder sina kroppar med obegripliga tatueringar och de bakar veganskt bananbröd på helgerna. Alltsammans är ju genomfjantigt, vilket jag ofta och gärna påpekar, varpå Lin lipar åt mig och gnäller om att jag är dum.
Det jag försöker illustrera med dessa exempel är paradoxen i kärlek. Eftersom man aldrig kan precisera varför man älskar någon är det enda man kan göra att beskriva det hela negativt, alltså bakvänt: Du är en dryg jävel som har samma byxor varje dag, du är en fånig hipster som bryr dig om instagram, du är en överanalyserande känslomänniska som låtsas vara rationell, du är en bonnlurk, du är en pryd tönt som blir upprörd över att de hånglar på PH, du stinker för att du ”av hälsoskäl” äter tre hela vitlöksklyftor om dagen, du delar med dig av statusen på din tarmflora – och ändå älskar jag dig.
Eller kanske och därför älskar jag dig. För med personer man älskar är det så att man vid någon punkt övergår från att vara två separata individer till att vara en del av en helhet. Rent logiskt innebär det att den andra personens dåliga egenskaper blir ens egna. Jag är också grinig. Jag har också fåniga mediebågar. Genom den andra personen befrias man från sin egen individualitet, och kan således acceptera att man har rätt att existera.
Nackdelen med detta är att man hamnar i en jävligt jobbig beroendeställning. Så fort man har placerat en del av sig själv i någon annan, typ som Voldemort pytsar ut sin själ i olika föremål för att bli odödlig (har lite liknande funktion), blir de här människorna väldigt viktiga.
För plötsligt inser man att om man deletar en person i sitt liv, deletar man också en del av sig själv. Jag försökte med detta en gång för några år sedan, för jag var lite naiv. Relationen i fråga är nämligen av följande väldigt påfrestande typ: Jag saknar honom ibland, men ofta tänker jag inte på det, för jag har ett nice liv i övrigt.
Däremot blir jag helt förkrossad när jag de facto är med honom, vilket inträffar sju gånger om året kanske, för då påminns jag om hur sjukt jävla osannolikt nice det är, att det är det bästa som finns i hela världen, att det är så sjukt jävla stört att det finns personer som livet blir så här jävla nice med jag menar vi sitter och är bakis och äter chips på en buss och det är det bästa som finns?, och det är ju en smärtsam insikt. Men försöket att radera detta i min känslomässiga databas misslyckades radikalt, eftersom det hade inneburit att jag var tvungen att bli en annan person, och det pallar man ju inte, jag är 24 år och helt enkelt för gammal för det.
Det som är mest irriterande av allt är att hur många tävlingar Svenska Dagbladet än utlyser, kommer ingen att komma på ett ord som beskriver vad det är att älska någon i positiva termer. Att säga ”jag älskar dig” räcker inte, för folk säger att de älskar allt möjligt, jag har till och med hört nån säga att hon älskar Gustav Fridolin (MP). Det ordet är som med mänskliga rättigheter, inflationen i användandet har gått så långt att det inte går att beskriva nånting vettigt längre.
Det borde finnas något EU-direktiv för såna här saker kan man tycka, men nu gör det inte det, så vi får hålla till godo förolämpningarna, helt enkelt.
Karin
¡Un artículo realmente revelador! Aprendí mucho desde tu perspectiva y aprecio la claridad con la que explicas todo.
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