Du har haft en hund sen du var liten. Nu är du i tjugoårsåldern och har med dig hunden överallt. Det gör att nästan ingen orkar med dig längre. För ingen orkar med din dumma hund.
Sist när du och hunden var hos dina föräldrar så frågade din pappa ifall hunden snälla, snälla kunde stanna ute i trädgården medans ni fikade inne i huset. Med tanke på vad som hände sist sa din mamma. Sönderbitna soffkuddar i den nya dyra soffan. En soffa köpt för pengar du egentligen tyckte skulle gått till ditt lägenhetssparande. Hunden stannade ute och ni gick in.
På tunnelbanan på vägen hem klappade du hunden medans du pratade i telefon med din mamma. Hon grät och grät. Tulpanerna i trädgården var uppgrävda. Rosenbuskarna nedtrampade och trädgården förstörd. Du tyckte att dina föräldrar var barnsliga. Men det var klart att du skämdes ändå. Självklart önskade du att det skulle vara på något annat sätt, men nu var det ju inte det.
Du bad så hemskt mycket om ursäkt och lovade att du skulle få ordning på hunden. Du ljög.
Ungefär så här brukade det gå till. Hunden fick skäll och du ursäktade. På jobbet klagade kunder om kiss på golvet i provrummen och om avbitna skosnören på fula skor dom köpt. Du erbjöd halva priset på allting i butiken i utbyte mot att dom inte sa något till din chef.
Över midsommar hälsade du och hunden på hos ett par som du gick i gymnasiet med. Paret hade flyttat till landet och gjorde en stor jävla grej av det. Dom hade börjat ha snickarbyxor fastän dom inte byggde något alls och köpt några skabbiga höns. Paret och hunden och du åt middag i trädgården och under bordet slickade hunden på ditt ben. Hönsen kacklade och både hunden och du tänkte att ni hamnat på ett riktigt skitställe.
Medan paret i snickarbyxor var i köket och gjorde i ordning efterrätten så hade hunden tydligen varit uppe på bordet. Vinet hade välts ut så det hade blivit stora, lila fläckar på spetsduken. På grusplanen under bordet låg brutna blommor och en krossad vas. Alla tallrikar var rena och resterna uppätna.
Oj förlåt sa du. Ni kan fortsätta med efterrätten medans jag plockar upp sa du. Sen sa du att det inte skulle hända igen.
På natten blev tre av hönsen ihjälbitna.
Efter det började folk i din närhet prata om att du borde göra dig av med hunden. Såklart kändes det fruktansvärt. Det gjorde både dig och hunden hemskt stressade.
Så en bebis blev biten i huvudet på jobbet. Den skrek och snorade. Det såg faktiskt värre ut än vad det var men alla skrek och sprang omkring precis som hönsen hade gjort i hönsgården. Det kom en ambulans och du och hunden blev hemskickade. Du hade fått migrän av allt skrikande. Gud vad bebisar har mjuka huvuden tänkte du.
Senare samma dag fick du ett samtal från butikschefen. Butikschefen sa att företagspolicyn tyvärr sa att hunden måste avlivas. Att du behövde förstå hur det såg ut utifrån. Att det var bättre än att du skulle bli polisanmäld.
Du fick åka till veterinären senare samma dag. Sa hejdå och tack för allt. Förlåt stackars hund.
Nästa dag på jobbet beklagade alla sig. Sa usch vad jobbigt. Du sa ja herregud och snyftade. Det var lätt för dig att tycka synd om dig själv. Det som skulle bli svårare var att förklara dom uppätna soporna i köket och vem som kissat i chefens handväska på lunchrasten.
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