God morgon! Vad fint att se dig har ni sovit go-
Oj herregud
Vad har hänt med ditt ansikte?
Gud ska jag ringa sjukhuset
Va är du säker?
Det blöder ju massor
Vill du ha plåster eller bandage eller något?
Nej nej okej
Ehm
Då
Förlåt jag
Då ska vi se
Eh.
Ja, det är några saker vi behöver titta på tillsammans innan vi kan checka ut er.
Ja
Ni hade lämnat madrassen i regnet på balkongen så
Så det blir en extra kostnad.
Och det låg en handväska i minikylen som-
Men gud nu kommer det ju blod på din skjorta
Nej okej
Men handväskan-
Oj
Man får inte dricka alkohol i receptionen
Nej jag förstår
Men det är bara vår policy
Det
Va
Nej för tredje gången. Tyvärr du kan inte köpa loss den
Jag förstår
Nej jag kommer inte sälja skrivbordet till dig
Det är inte till salu
För det är ju vår reception
Ja, jag förstår
Ja jag lovar att höra med chefen
Oj hej. Tillhör ni samma sällskap?
Vilken vacker bröllopsklänning
Va-
Aha sorry I said what a nice wedding dress
Oj du får inte heller dricka här.
Sorry you can’t drink in here
Its nine in the morning please
Vänta du kan inte ta den där
Ursäkta
Excuse me
No its a its a part of the lobby
No hallå
Please put it back
Kan du be din vän-
Please come back with the plant
Ska jag boka en taxi åt er till flygplatsen?
Va?
Walk?
Till Arlanda?
No I don’t think-
No I wouldn’t recommend that
Vänta please put down the plant
Är ni säkra på att ni inte ska ta taxi?
Alla era väskor då?
Nej du behöver inte bli upprörd. Jag menade inte.
Could you please stop running around with the pla-
Nej jag förstår det
Nej jag säger inte att jag inte tror ni klarar det. Det är bara rutin att –
Vänta nu kommer det blod på golvet
No what
No you can’t buy the desk
Ive already told your friend
Okay sorry – husband. Congratulations
Vänta jag måste hämta något att torka upp blodet med
Nej jag förstår men för dom andra gästerna
Ser det kanske inte så trevligt ut
Vet du vi struntar i kostnaderna för madrassen
Ja hotellet står på det
Kan du förklara för din vän att-
Ja förlåt din fru menade jag
Nej som sagt det går inte
Hur skulle du ens få med dig skrivbordet till Arl-
Please miss put the plant back down
Yes sorry – mrs
Tyvärr men jag måste be er gå
Hallå
I have to ask you to leave
Tack för er vistelse
Yes whatever you can have it.
Just take the fucking plant. Its yours
Have a pleasant walk to Arlanda
Congrats again on the wedding
Hejdå
Bye.
Lucia Haag är ett geni! Längtar redan efter din nästa text!
/Kille från Stockholm
SÅ JÄVLA BRA!
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