Sumoklick – världens argaste pingisbloggare

6:54 21 Sep 2016

Förlåt för gammal spaning men människor är allt som oftast rasande på helt orimliga saker. Och i denna förbannade tid har jag gjort ett lite extra förbannat fynd. Jag har hittat Sveriges argaste pingisblogg.

Allt började med att jag och min kille (vars alldeles underbara blogg ni kan läsa här) gick vilse i Mölnlycke på grund av att vi var väldigt inne i en diskussion om varför pingisspelare skriker ”OSSA!” när de gör nåt bra. Vetgirig som jag är satte jag på mig research-hatten och hittade snart till sajten som ”Sumoklick – pingisbloggen för oss som limmar.” Genast blev jag intresserad. Kunde det vara en blogg för pingisspelare som inte kan ta ett nej i raggsammanhang? Nej, nej, nej, så fel jag hade. Det var en blogg för alla som älskar pingis men HATAR PINGISSPELARE. Det var ett gossip girl för JO Waldners lärjungar.

Sumoklick uppdaterades, precis som alla andra bloggar värda att printa ut och göra fondtapet av, hyfsat intensivt under en väldigt kort period vintern 2009. Första inlägget är från den 1 februari, och det sista från 21 mars. Men låt oss för guds skull börja från början.

När man startar en blogg vill man förstås inleda starkt (mitt första inlägg på detta lilla internetaltare handlade till exempel om världens roligaste Youtube-kommentar, jag låtsas uppenbarligen ofta att jag har kunskap om allt i hela världen), det vet både du, jag och Sumoklick. Det här är hans första post.
skarmavbild-2016-09-21-kl-18-07-24Jaharå. Allas vår pingiskorre börjar med att rakt av limma ett par myshån på elitseriens sämsta svenska pingisspelare. ”Håll dig till poker, snälla?” är en diss jag planerar att börja använda på daglig basis. Och VEM ÄR 14-ÅRINGEN SOM PETAT JIMMY OYAKANGAS?!

Dagen efter var det dags igen. Den här gången skulle elitseriens sämsta vinnarskalle utses. Och priset gick till *ossaossaossa* GAO WEI – mannen utan minne!

skarmavbild-2016-09-21-kl-18-13-50
Jag gillar tanken på en pingisspelare som, likt Gao Wei, glömmer bort slag mitt i matcher. Plötsligt står han där, racket in hand, i en livsviktig match mot Jimmy Oyakangas, och stirrar med tom blick på bollen som kommer farande mot honom. Så bestämmer han sig. Det bästa sättet att få den vita pricken tillbaka till andra sidan nätet är att kanalisera sin barndoms favoritcasanova. Han ba lägger den:

zorro
En annan sak väl värd att uppmärksamma:  An Shu är tydligen pissdålig på att ossa. ”När An Shu ossar smälter limmet” som man brukar säga. Eller ”När An Shu ossar får Mao Zedongs lik soulpatch.” Nåt av dem är det!

Sumoklick fortsätter på ungefär samma sätt i exakt fem inlägg till. I ett inlägg roastar hen (äh let’s face it: han) dampingis och droppar fräscha sägningar som ”Borde det inte vara gratis choklad till alla också? Fria bindor? Sex And The City avsnitt på storbildsskärm mellan matcherna med saft och bullar? Och inte minst – läppglans till alla som kan få till ett varv med skruv på bollen i serven!” Inte för att vara *tjej* men hade det varit sådär att spela pingis hade jag tränat backhand med Gao Wei varenda jävla dag.

I ett annat skriver han om ”Skummaste div 1-spelarna.” Där har vi en clickbaitartikel Omtalat hade dödat för. ”Skummaste div 1-pingisspelarna – vi har hela listan!” I den kan vi bland annat läsa att om Aidin Ostad ”leder kan han hota dig med stryk eller helt enkelt bara fuska.” It’s hard out there for a pingisbitch.

Men nu till mitt absoluta favoritinlägg bland Sumoklicks många starka alster:

skarmavbild-2016-09-21-kl-18-28-54
Kan man klaga på fler pingisrelaterade saker i ett enda blogginlägg? Kan en pingisblogg vara argare än Sumoklick? Kan någon blogg vara argare än Sumoklick? Kan en människa använda skällsordet ”vilket lik” bättre än Sumoklick? Kan man älska en blogg så mycket som jag älskar Sumoklick?

Svaret är: NEJ, DET ÄR HELT JÄVLA OMÖJLIGT!!

PS. Vet du varför pingisspelare skriker ”OSSA!” när de gör något bra? Hör gärna av dig. Jag tittar på dig, superintelligenta och kunskapsfyllda man. För en gångs skull vill jag verkligen att du ska pilla dig i hjärnan och servera mig fakta på pingisracket. Puss! DS.

PS2. Är du Sumoklick? Hör för GUDS SKULL av dig. Har dock en känsla av att du kanske inte direkt har Nöjesguiden som huvudsaklig nyhetskälla. Men det kanske är fördomsfullt av mig. DS2.

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