Min helg: Dumpad

3:40 3 Nov 2018

Internethumorkillen Thomas Krangnes äter kall frysrätt och slutar äta frallor.

Jag inleder min helg med att ta en promenad från jobbet, längs vägen passerar jag Humlegården och drar snabbt huvan på min Weekday-hoodie över huvudet så fort jag skymtar Taverna Brillos uteservering. Jag vill ju inte att nån från Perfect Day-familjen ska få en skymt av mig över sina berg av chark och löjromspizzor.

Väl hemma möts jag av veckans samlade disk i vasken, en fylld soppåse och en halvuppäten popcorn-påse från OLW. Energin till att ta tag i mitt hem är obefintlig och lättjan tar över, jag går till Coop och köper en Penne con Mozzarella. Den värms sex minuter i mikron men är alltid kall i mitten ändå, jag glömmer varje gång att jag får blåsor i munnen av körbärstomaterna i den, men det funkar. Efter middagen har jag bestämt träff med mina vänner Frida, Frasse och Ingrid. Jag tar en promenad dit. 20:00 ska vi träffas. 20:00 sitter jag själv i ett hörn på fine dining konceptet Krukan.

Frida

Frasse

Ingrid

En efter en dyker mitt sällskap upp. Nu är helgen igång på riktigt. Cava och öl flyter ner i våra torra strupar men samtalet flyter inte på lika lätt. Det är som en pingismatch med folk som försöker bräcka varandra i putslustigheter. Det flyger inte. Sakta men säkert reser sig en efter en i sällskapet och kommer med dåliga ursäkter till varför de måste gå. Jag tar en promenad hem genom det grönskande området kring södra station och sover själv.

På lördagsmorgonen har du dykt upp hos mig. Jag köper frukost på det lokala bageriet, vi har börjat äta frallor tillsammans, jag har aldrig riktigt ätit frallor förut men jag gillar tanken på att äta frallor tillsammans med någon en lördagsmorgon. Vi ligger kvar i sängen hela dagen och du äter upp en hel chipspåse. Vi ska på min systers fyrtioårsfest på det magiska Villa Elfvik. Egentligen är vi för trötta, du mår dåligt men jag tvingar dig att följa med. På vägen till festen springer jag in hos den lokala floristen och köper en bukett för jag har glömt att köpa en present. Klädkoden är ”fest” och alla har kostym. Förutom jag. För mig innebär ”fest” tydligen en vit t-shirt och smutsiga jeans. Folk påpekar min klädmiss och det svider lite mer än vad jag vågar erkänna.

Det är en otrolig kväll, min syster skiner. Hennes vänner håller väl förbereda tal, det skålas, sjungs, dansas. Men du och jag kan inte riktigt fokusera. Vi är aldrig närvarande. Middagen tar slut och vi sätter oss för oss själva. Det är som att vi har väntat på den här stunden och när du säger att det är slut mellan oss så förvånas jag inte. Vi ler mot varandra, det här är för det bästa. Vi åker hem till mig med det lokala taxi-företaget och sover tillsammans.

Söndag morgon köper jag inga frallor från det lokala bageriet, du går tillslut, jag laddar ner tinder, jag tar bort tinder, jag sover.

Thomas Krangnes

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